I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
