I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
