Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
