k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
