chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
