she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
