Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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