singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize