party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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