OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
