so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
