I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
