who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
