I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
