Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize