you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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