I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
