sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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