so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
