Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
