Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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