I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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