You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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