I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
