hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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