these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
