Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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