Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
