it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
