i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize