We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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