I just pynch a tree in the face
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
be right there i have to get my cape
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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