I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
