Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Sorry my hands just texted you
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
