Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
