is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
