Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
