I wanna passion pit in your ass
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
