the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
