just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
