what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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