clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Randomize
