its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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