I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
