Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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