____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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