theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
