i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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