well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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