I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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