I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
