The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize