sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize