i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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