I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
