so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The feeling are messing with the penis
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
