Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
