Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
