If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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