i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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