Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
There are leaves in my underwear?
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