can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
