This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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