I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
