Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Randomize
