It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
