I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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