If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
