I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
