as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize