life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
