apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
