his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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