Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
