do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
