Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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