So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
