I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
