you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
