I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I should be sponsored by Trojan
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Alive.
So much puke
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
