he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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