i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize