her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
