She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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