ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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