he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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