I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
