Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
