This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I wish there were birth control emojis
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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