I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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