hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize