Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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