have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
