I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It's blow job season.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
