There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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