I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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