We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Can you bring me the toilet please
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
