i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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