Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He shit in the fireplace
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize