batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
