I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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