I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
