I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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