dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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